Basically, my friend (let's call him "Jeff") has been discovering
more and more of his own natural attractiveness to women and is in
turn becoming WAY bolder in his interactions with them.
This is a great thing, of course.
I've lost count of how many guys I've talked to for whom THE major
issue is simply RECOGNIZING and BELIEVING that more women are
already attracted to them than they think, just like I talked about
in that video I sent you about a week ago.
They just need to be confident of that, and LEAD.
You know, as in "Relax and have fun...the girls love you."
Well, in Jeff's case he has already gotten to the point where he is
approaching women and confidently starting conversations. And he's
MUCH better at figuring out when they're attracted.
The next step, logically, is to cut out any semblance of "settling"
and only allow the women he REALLY feels strong attraction toward
into his life.
Invariably, this means giving certain women the "just be friends
talk" or, as was the case this past weekend for Jeff, telling a
woman things just aren't going to work out--friend or otherwise.
Unfortunately, Jeff made a rather crucial error in judgment.
He updated his status on Facebook with "Just broke things off with
her...looking forward to what's next."
Suffice it to say one must NEVER, EVER hang one's dirty laundry out
on Facebook or Twitter.
You've got to remember that literally EVERYONE can (and will) see
what you've written on there.
Seriously, if you've ever wondered if anyone really reads your
social media missives, all it takes is posting the WRONG one to
give you a lightning-fast reality check.
So, guess what? One of Jeff's female friends from back in high
school took the liberty of writing him and letting him know what
she thought of his "update".
Taking a good four or five solid paragraphs to make her case, said
former female classmate proceeded to tell Jeff about how
"insensitive" he has always been, leading women on at first only to
leave them hanging later.
She told him he was basically self-absorbed and narcissistic,
unable to tell when a decent woman was in front of him.
And, of course, she was sure to throw in the inevitable zinger
about how Jeff was clearly still too "picky", and how being "such a
perfectionist" was all but certain to guarantee that he'd probably
die alone someday.
Pretty heavy stuff for someone who hasn't been heard from for at
least a decade, right?
Well, in Jeff's email to me he reprinted the Facebook message from
his high school friend and told me he was "pretty devastated" by it.
From his perspective, the message represented how he "still had a
lot to learn" about relating to women, managing relationships,
and--yes--even being a decent human being.
But all I saw, despite the unfortunate Facebook error, was overall
PROGRESS.
I saw the difference between a guy who was BLIND to the attraction
he had sparked in girls back in high school and the "new look" Jeff
who was now in control of his dating life.
The key here is that when YOU are calling the shots, there are
going to be women who AREN'T HAPPY with your decisions.
Recognize that this is a CLEAR SIGN that YOU are a CHOOSER instead
of a CHASER.
Perhaps ironically, if you chronically "fail to deploy" and never
ask any women out, you're STILL a CHOOSER.
"No decision" is still a decision. It's certainly NOT chasing.
That was the "choice" Jeff had made throughout high school.
But on the other end of the spectrum--vis-à-vis all the variations
of "chasing" women by seeking their approval, putting them on a
pedestal, etc. in between--is the guy who BOLDLY ENGAGES women and
STILL calls the shots.
Amazingly, whichever of the two styles of "choosing" you're perhaps
currently engaging in, you're DISAPPOINTING women--one way or the
other.
ANY TIME there's a particular woman who wants a romantic
relationship with you and that DOESN'T HAPPEN, there's
disappointment.
The fact that some women may be disappointed sucks, but that's just
the way the ball bounces when you finally stop being the one who
women "dump" and start CHOOSING.
Think of it this way, if you've ever seen the (hilarious) movie
"Fear Of The Black Hat" you're probably familiar with this line:
"The difference between a [be-otch] and a ho, is that the [be-otch
sleeps with] everyone BUT you.
Hello...everyone is human here.
And just like YOUR attraction can quickly turn negative when YOU
feel rejected, women are no different.
Isn't amazing how STRONG positive emotion can be flipped over
suddenly with equally NEGATIVE strength?
Well, when you're making the decisions about who stays and who goes
in your dating life, the truth is you've just got to be ready for
that.
You've still got to make the HARD CHOICES.
You'll want to be as respectful as you are direct when calling
things off with a woman (e.g. "I don't think we're a match, and
there's another guy out there who will appreciate you more than I
ever could.), but you've still got to endure that unpleasant moment
for the overall good.
Otherwise, well...you "settle".
_______________________________________________________
more and more of his own natural attractiveness to women and is in
turn becoming WAY bolder in his interactions with them.
This is a great thing, of course.
I've lost count of how many guys I've talked to for whom THE major
issue is simply RECOGNIZING and BELIEVING that more women are
already attracted to them than they think, just like I talked about
in that video I sent you about a week ago.
They just need to be confident of that, and LEAD.
You know, as in "Relax and have fun...the girls love you."
Well, in Jeff's case he has already gotten to the point where he is
approaching women and confidently starting conversations. And he's
MUCH better at figuring out when they're attracted.
The next step, logically, is to cut out any semblance of "settling"
and only allow the women he REALLY feels strong attraction toward
into his life.
Invariably, this means giving certain women the "just be friends
talk" or, as was the case this past weekend for Jeff, telling a
woman things just aren't going to work out--friend or otherwise.
Unfortunately, Jeff made a rather crucial error in judgment.
He updated his status on Facebook with "Just broke things off with
her...looking forward to what's next."
Suffice it to say one must NEVER, EVER hang one's dirty laundry out
on Facebook or Twitter.
You've got to remember that literally EVERYONE can (and will) see
what you've written on there.
Seriously, if you've ever wondered if anyone really reads your
social media missives, all it takes is posting the WRONG one to
give you a lightning-fast reality check.
So, guess what? One of Jeff's female friends from back in high
school took the liberty of writing him and letting him know what
she thought of his "update".
Taking a good four or five solid paragraphs to make her case, said
former female classmate proceeded to tell Jeff about how
"insensitive" he has always been, leading women on at first only to
leave them hanging later.
She told him he was basically self-absorbed and narcissistic,
unable to tell when a decent woman was in front of him.
And, of course, she was sure to throw in the inevitable zinger
about how Jeff was clearly still too "picky", and how being "such a
perfectionist" was all but certain to guarantee that he'd probably
die alone someday.
Pretty heavy stuff for someone who hasn't been heard from for at
least a decade, right?
Well, in Jeff's email to me he reprinted the Facebook message from
his high school friend and told me he was "pretty devastated" by it.
From his perspective, the message represented how he "still had a
lot to learn" about relating to women, managing relationships,
and--yes--even being a decent human being.
But all I saw, despite the unfortunate Facebook error, was overall
PROGRESS.
I saw the difference between a guy who was BLIND to the attraction
he had sparked in girls back in high school and the "new look" Jeff
who was now in control of his dating life.
The key here is that when YOU are calling the shots, there are
going to be women who AREN'T HAPPY with your decisions.
Recognize that this is a CLEAR SIGN that YOU are a CHOOSER instead
of a CHASER.
Perhaps ironically, if you chronically "fail to deploy" and never
ask any women out, you're STILL a CHOOSER.
"No decision" is still a decision. It's certainly NOT chasing.
That was the "choice" Jeff had made throughout high school.
But on the other end of the spectrum--vis-à-vis all the variations
of "chasing" women by seeking their approval, putting them on a
pedestal, etc. in between--is the guy who BOLDLY ENGAGES women and
STILL calls the shots.
Amazingly, whichever of the two styles of "choosing" you're perhaps
currently engaging in, you're DISAPPOINTING women--one way or the
other.
ANY TIME there's a particular woman who wants a romantic
relationship with you and that DOESN'T HAPPEN, there's
disappointment.
The fact that some women may be disappointed sucks, but that's just
the way the ball bounces when you finally stop being the one who
women "dump" and start CHOOSING.
Think of it this way, if you've ever seen the (hilarious) movie
"Fear Of The Black Hat" you're probably familiar with this line:
"The difference between a [be-otch] and a ho, is that the [be-otch
sleeps with] everyone BUT you.
Hello...everyone is human here.
And just like YOUR attraction can quickly turn negative when YOU
feel rejected, women are no different.
Isn't amazing how STRONG positive emotion can be flipped over
suddenly with equally NEGATIVE strength?
Well, when you're making the decisions about who stays and who goes
in your dating life, the truth is you've just got to be ready for
that.
You've still got to make the HARD CHOICES.
You'll want to be as respectful as you are direct when calling
things off with a woman (e.g. "I don't think we're a match, and
there's another guy out there who will appreciate you more than I
ever could.), but you've still got to endure that unpleasant moment
for the overall good.
Otherwise, well...you "settle".
_______________________________________________________
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