"It's like we've known each other for TEN YEARS, not TEN MINUTES."
Now if THOSE aren't the "magic words" that indicate a woman is
completely comfortable in your presence, I don't know what are.
As we've talked about before, a major linchpin of the "big four"
along with confidence, masculinity and character is the ability to
cause a woman to feel safe and comfortable in your presence...aka
"inspiring confidence".
So why is this so important?
The answer is simple, of course.
Like we covered last time, if she's ATTRACTED to you but doesn't
feel SAFE around you she's likely not to answer your phone calls
and/or actually go out on a date with you...despite all the "signals"
she sends that she likes you.
This is all rooted in the fact that women are "security seeking
creatures".
They are more circumspect when it comes to potential for physical
harm than we are, and that is something we should ALWAYS keep in
mind. In fact, it's amazing how much of many women's lives are
lived in fear.
When in doubt, we should err on the side of helping a woman feel
safe and comfortable...and that's from the very moment we meet her.
In fact, there's not really a "stage", as it were, during any
particular interaction with a woman that you "build comfort".
It has to be in effect from the very first second and remain
throughout your entire relationship with her...however long that is.
Now obviously, when starting a conversation with a woman you want
to get her to talk about herself rather than doing all the
talking...especially if you end up going on and on to her about how
cool you and your stuff are. We've covered that extensively in
the past.
You'll ask her open-ended questions to enable this scenario, of
course.
So with that in mind, here is one particularly GOLDEN strategy that
you can use when making conversation with a woman to help her feel
more comfortable with you.
I'm about to arm you with something so simple but so MAGICAL that
you'll be amazed by how this one little tip that's so easy to
remember will transform your fortunes with women.
That's this: When getting a woman to talk about herself be sure to
avoid "why" questions...especially in response to something she says
she did or something she prefers.
This is because whenever we ask someone "why" they did something or
like something it comes off as if we're questioning their judgment
or even belittling them for it.
Examples:
Her: "Well, I work for Insurance Company X."
You: "Why did you choose to work there?"
Or...
Her: "I drive a little Volkswagen Beetle."
You: "Why do you drive one of those?"
Can you see how "why" questions put someone on the defensive
immediately? That's NEVER a secure feeling.
The worst part about a "why" question is that it signals POTENTIAL
confrontation and/or "silent" judgment.
Since the perception that you're thinking negatively about her is
"under the radar" and as-yet unspoken, the net negative impact on
her comfort level with you is actually WORSE than if you simply had
come out and told her you thought her job or her car were terrible.
Ironic, isn't it? After all, it's likely that most of us don't
intend to come off that way. In our mind, we're just "asking
open-ended questions" and we feel we're making all the right moves.
Contrast the vibe associated with "why" questions with that which
is created by simple teasing, which doesn't come off as
confrontational.
This is because she knows where you stand and she presumes you're
purposefully bantering with her for the sake of pure playfulness
rather than potentially conflicting with her at a more "serious"
and heartfelt level.
Examples:
Her: "Well, I work for Insurance Company X."
You: "That's a shame. Company Y is who I go with, so now you
can't get me an extra discount using your feminine charm."
Or...
Her: "I drive a little Volkswagen Beetle."
You: "Oh geez...what a GIRL car. I bet you'll even trade it in for
a minivan someday when you have a bunch of babies..."
If teasing banter isn't really a part of your personality, no
worries. You can focus instead on asking "what" or "how" questions
instead of "why" questions:
Examples:
Her: "Well I work for Insurance Company X."
You: "Really? What exciting superhuman heroics do you perform on
the job all day?"
Or...
Her: "I drive a little Volkswagen Beetle."
You: "No kidding? How do those things handle on the racetrack? I
would think if you drift it too hard around the corner the daisies
would fly out of the vase on the dashboard."
OK, OK...obviously I've got too much "teasing banter" in my
personality to leave well enough alone.
But you can clearly see how the "what" and "how" questions indicate
more of a curious intrigue on your part rather than signaling
imminent confrontation like "why" questions do.
And that's really the main point behind what I'm sharing with you
today. It's all about her emotional response to the nature of the
conversation YOU are leading.
If she feels she genuinely intrigues you, she'll feel MORE
comfortable with you.
Contrast that with what she'd feel if you were to challenge her in
a confrontational way with "why" questions.
If you are a masculine "big four" man who creates attraction by
your very presence (tone of voice, how you carry yourself, being
relaxed, etc.) then using "what" or "how" questions instead of
"why" questions will be like PURE CATNIP to women.
Finding a man who ACTUALLY CARES about who she is and what she is
into is every beautiful woman's dream.
Note that I've not mentioned gushing compliments her way or
interjecting "sexual innuendo" into the conversation.
I solemnly promise you that your masculine presence PLUS simple
intrigue--even free of any focus on sexual themes--WILL cause her to
be intrigued by you in return.
After all, she's following your lead. Deserve what you want.
Sexual interest will follow soon enough...and likely WAY sooner thanif you forced the issue.
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