Let's say you've got a great woman in your life and you see great
"long term potential" there for sure.
So then, what's the single most irritating thing that "Murphy's
Law" dictates is likely to happen?
Many guys would answer that question the same way: Her
ex-boyfriend will surface out of nowhere and start texting
her--obviously interested in getting back together with her.
Who knows? He might even go so far as to start calling her and
leaving voicemail messages, Facebooking her, and whatever else he
can do to get her attention.
What should you do when that happens?
Your first impulse will likely be to hijack her phone, take matters
into your own hands and text him back with something like this:
Yeah, well...as good as it would feel in the moment to fire that
missile in his general direction, it'd be a tactical error...BIG time.
Do you REALLY want to go there? Do you actually think the other
guy will read that one and back off?
Put yourself in his shoes.
You already know that there's no greater way to supercharge his
personal power than to let him know--in no uncertain terms--that he's
inside your head.
What, you want to pick up the phone with the intention of telling
him what's up only to have him throw water on your raging pridefest
in one fell swoop?
Think about it.
All it's going to take is for him to calmly and casually announce
how many times he's done the "wild thing" with YOUR girlfriend and
how much she liked it...regardless of what the truth is.
And do you expect him to stop there?
He'll also be happy to describe to you in lurid detail all the
"happy times" they shared together that you've yet to indulge in
with her...again, regardless of what's true.
And he'll do this until you decide you've had enough and hang up on
him.
...At which time he'll sit back and smirk. Count on it.
The weird psychological trick you will have just played on yourself
is that you THOUGHT that calling him out was going to give you MORE
power over him...and his actions.
But the reality is that by doing so you will have given HIM all the
power.
You may have the girl...for now. But that only means that you
ostensibly have EVERYTHING to lose.
Meanwhile, he has NOTHING to lose.
If you see the other guy's actions as an aggressive act against
you, you're absolutely correct...especially if he KNOWS she's with
you now, which he very likely does.
As such, he's on the offensive and you're on the defensive. The
ONLY thing he can do is WIN, and the ONLY thing you can do is LOSE.
So don't feed him.
And for sure, if you DO feed him it's going to be a lot like having
fed the neighborhood stray cat.
Seeing tangible results, he'll keep moving forward.
Meanwhile, you'll likely get into classic "he said/she said"
arguments with your girlfriend which could end your relationship
with her...all because of this ridiculous mess.
And what will that do? It'll only open the door for the other
guy's ultimate success.
You'll have opened the door, and he'll walk right through it. Ouch.
OK then, so what SHOULD you do when an ex boyfriend starts calling
or texting?
Well, as much as this is going to DRIVE YOU NUTS, you're going to
have to resist what every ounce of testosterone in you is begging
for.
You've got to IGNORE him.
And if your girlfriend respects herself, respects you and respects
the relationship she'll DO THE SAME.
If she's a great woman who truly adores you, she'll actually ignore
him automagically... whether she lets you know what's going on or not.
In our relationship, Emily and I both freely inform each other when
we receive voicemails or texts from exes.
And no kidding...even after almost six years it STILL happens.
And we STILL ignore every single one of the messages. Completely.
You see, when the other dude gets IGNORED, you retain ALL the power.
He's left wondering about her, and about what you and she are doing
together. Perhaps ironically, the silence is heard LOUD and CLEAR.
Sooner than later, he'll feel like a loser for even trying and MOVE
ON...as you want him to.
Incidentally, if you find that your woman DOES indeed respond to
messages from exes, realize that she knows EXACTLY how that affects
you.
At that point it's time to reevaluate whether you're really with a
woman who has "long-term potential" or not.
To say the least, your relationship with her is NOT on solid
ground...not by any stretch of the imagination.
And if you're allegedly "exclusive" with her, that should be a
no-brainer.
By the way, once again none of what I'm talking about here is
gender specific. Both men and women can find themselves on eitherside of this awkward situation when it arises.
_______________________________________________________
"long term potential" there for sure.
So then, what's the single most irritating thing that "Murphy's
Law" dictates is likely to happen?
Many guys would answer that question the same way: Her
ex-boyfriend will surface out of nowhere and start texting
her--obviously interested in getting back together with her.
Who knows? He might even go so far as to start calling her and
leaving voicemail messages, Facebooking her, and whatever else he
can do to get her attention.
What should you do when that happens?
Your first impulse will likely be to hijack her phone, take matters
into your own hands and text him back with something like this:
"You LOSE, dude. The fact that you're still hitting up the woman
I've already WON only proves that you're a bigger wanker than I
thought, and that I HAVE a bigger wanker than you do."
Yeah, well...as good as it would feel in the moment to fire that
missile in his general direction, it'd be a tactical error...BIG time.
Do you REALLY want to go there? Do you actually think the other
guy will read that one and back off?
Put yourself in his shoes.
You already know that there's no greater way to supercharge his
personal power than to let him know--in no uncertain terms--that he's
inside your head.
What, you want to pick up the phone with the intention of telling
him what's up only to have him throw water on your raging pridefest
in one fell swoop?
Think about it.
All it's going to take is for him to calmly and casually announce
how many times he's done the "wild thing" with YOUR girlfriend and
how much she liked it...regardless of what the truth is.
And do you expect him to stop there?
He'll also be happy to describe to you in lurid detail all the
"happy times" they shared together that you've yet to indulge in
with her...again, regardless of what's true.
And he'll do this until you decide you've had enough and hang up on
him.
...At which time he'll sit back and smirk. Count on it.
The weird psychological trick you will have just played on yourself
is that you THOUGHT that calling him out was going to give you MORE
power over him...and his actions.
But the reality is that by doing so you will have given HIM all the
power.
You may have the girl...for now. But that only means that you
ostensibly have EVERYTHING to lose.
Meanwhile, he has NOTHING to lose.
If you see the other guy's actions as an aggressive act against
you, you're absolutely correct...especially if he KNOWS she's with
you now, which he very likely does.
As such, he's on the offensive and you're on the defensive. The
ONLY thing he can do is WIN, and the ONLY thing you can do is LOSE.
So don't feed him.
And for sure, if you DO feed him it's going to be a lot like having
fed the neighborhood stray cat.
Seeing tangible results, he'll keep moving forward.
Meanwhile, you'll likely get into classic "he said/she said"
arguments with your girlfriend which could end your relationship
with her...all because of this ridiculous mess.
And what will that do? It'll only open the door for the other
guy's ultimate success.
You'll have opened the door, and he'll walk right through it. Ouch.
OK then, so what SHOULD you do when an ex boyfriend starts calling
or texting?
Well, as much as this is going to DRIVE YOU NUTS, you're going to
have to resist what every ounce of testosterone in you is begging
for.
You've got to IGNORE him.
And if your girlfriend respects herself, respects you and respects
the relationship she'll DO THE SAME.
If she's a great woman who truly adores you, she'll actually ignore
him automagically... whether she lets you know what's going on or not.
In our relationship, Emily and I both freely inform each other when
we receive voicemails or texts from exes.
And no kidding...even after almost six years it STILL happens.
And we STILL ignore every single one of the messages. Completely.
You see, when the other dude gets IGNORED, you retain ALL the power.
He's left wondering about her, and about what you and she are doing
together. Perhaps ironically, the silence is heard LOUD and CLEAR.
Sooner than later, he'll feel like a loser for even trying and MOVE
ON...as you want him to.
Incidentally, if you find that your woman DOES indeed respond to
messages from exes, realize that she knows EXACTLY how that affects
you.
At that point it's time to reevaluate whether you're really with a
woman who has "long-term potential" or not.
To say the least, your relationship with her is NOT on solid
ground...not by any stretch of the imagination.
And if you're allegedly "exclusive" with her, that should be a
no-brainer.
By the way, once again none of what I'm talking about here is
gender specific. Both men and women can find themselves on eitherside of this awkward situation when it arises.
_______________________________________________________
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