Okay, before I start, I want to state something here. I believe in it and my personal experience with the girls that I have met and dated all over has taught me so.
Women LOVE to be loved and desired by men, provided that the men do it RIGHT. This turns women on and builds the right sexual chemistry. Unless you bring the vibe, there can be no chemistry between you two.
But expressing your sexual interest in the wrong manner, that is, laying out your cards naively won’t get you laid. Why? It’s because you fall into the NICE GUY category. What does a “nice guy” means? I don’t know what other PUAs or dating coaches would normally have to say about it but according to me, a NICE GUY is someone who goes a step further than just being a “gentleman”.
Some typical characteristics of a “nice guy”:
- He agrees to everything she says and does.
- He is always available to her.
- He acts submissive and fawning to the girl.
- He never shows that he might have sexual interest in the girl, that is, he rejects himself as a man.
- He puts the girl in the front and stays in the back.
- He clings on to the approval of the girl too much.
Now these are just some of the most common and basic characteristics of the “nice guy”. And this pisses off the women big time. Being a NICE GUY never helps!
But we don’t want to be a jerk either, do we? For someone like me, it really feels manipulative and fake as well. I never condoned being a Jerk just to get women in my life.
And here’s an attraction model that shows you how to attract women without being a jerk.
First of all, let’s know the dictionary definitions:
- Make playful romantic or sexual passes
- Dally or trifle with something
- Move abruptly or jerkily
1. To annoy or irritate someone.
2. To playful banter on someone.
3. To arouse desire or curiosity without providing satisfaction.
I’m a very analytical kind of guy, and find it really easy to break complex combinations into simple parts and then rearrange them according to my convenience and preference.
You must have got several pick up women models, haven’t you? Some most popular ones are below:
Meet > Attract > Connect > Seduce (Mystery)
Comfort > Attraction > Qualification > Sexual Escalation (AFC Adam)
Rapport > Seduction (Vin Di Carlo)
Seduction > Close (Gunwitch)
But is it that easy? No, it never was and it never is.
Here what I’m presenting to you is just a model of how to create attraction and build the necessary sexual chemistry. According to me, unless these two things are there right from the start or as soon as is possible, the whole pickup process come falling down.
I have normally studied under many dating coaches and PUAs. Some say that you should assume attraction and then just focus on rapport and escalation. Then again, some suggest that you should always build attraction right in the beginning, if her value is higher than yours is. But how can you possibly show higher value if you are really higher value?
That’s your body language and attitude. This show how strong a reality you have, and that tells what might be your lifestyle and social value.
Yes, that’s the very thing that creates attraction. That’s called physical attraction.
Next how does a woman want you to go about closing the deal with her or rather what makes her agree to closing the deal with you?
Know the basic here: She closes the deal when she feels the sexual attraction towards you and she knows you can satisfy her needs and desires. What might be her desire by the way? Remember one thing… she wants a better life, whether you are a better provider, protector, seducer or entertainer. She just wants you to add value to her life, and make it better than it already is.
So how can you add value to her life?
1. By satisfying her SEXUALLY
2. By satisfying her EMOTIONALLY
3. By satisfying her LOGICALLY
Now, let’s say you are a good lover. What makes you a good lover? You are a good lover when you connect with her and can satisfy her carnal desires. So, you satisfy her physically and emotionally both. You know what, that’s enough for her to choose you and stick to you as your partner. It’s very rare when you get someone like that.
Now, the thing is that sexual tension can be created by generally two ways:
2. Bust on her and give her a hard time – Tease her
3. Share interesting personal experiences – Tell Stories
Why you tease? Teasing makes her laugh, creates challenge, shows sense of humor (a social value factor) and keeps her interest or attention. Why you flirt? Flirting establishes the chemistry between you two and makes her see in sexual light.
But your expressing sexual interest in her is going to make her sexually attracted to you? Your busting on her and giving her a hard time can create sexual chemistry between you two? No, if you bust on her right away, it might seem as you’re coming on too strong on her. If you seem submissive and indicate your sexual interest, you might come off as just another boy who lives and dies for her.
So, yes at the very start, you don’t want to come on too strong but then again, you don’t want to be stagnant at a place too long too. Neither “too much, too soon” nor “too late” is good for the pickup process.
Okay, let's break the whole pickup women process step-by-step bits.
You approach the girl. You either do it direct or indirect, according to your preference. If you go indirect and have the vibe of direct approach, you show that you are dishonest and lack confidence. She is going to know why you opened her in the first place. I believe that indirect approach needs intense amount of expertise and also the right situation to result into fruition. Personally, I prefer direct approach. Let them know why I'm there.
And I want to keep in mind one thing. Right from the approach, you are building your social value in her eyes. With your body language, attitude, ability to withhold social pressure, your fashion sense and your voice...all helps in building in your social value.
Okay, let's break the whole pickup women process step-by-step bits.
You approach the girl. You either do it direct or indirect, according to your preference. If you go indirect and have the vibe of direct approach, you show that you are dishonest and lack confidence. She is going to know why you opened her in the first place. I believe that indirect approach needs intense amount of expertise and also the right situation to result into fruition. Personally, I prefer direct approach. Let them know why I'm there.
And I want to keep in mind one thing. Right from the approach, you are building your social value in her eyes. With your body language, attitude, ability to withhold social pressure, your fashion sense and your voice...all helps in building in your social value.
The very first thing you need to establish is the Hook Point. This is the point when she accepts you and opens herself up to you. How do you reach the hook point? Simple, by asking a few questions about her and telling a few things about yourself. You tell DHV yet funny stories about yourself and you elicit normal information her to see if she complies with that. What you are doing here is you are qualifying her, you are showing that you are socially valuable and acceptable (of course, you are somewhat interesting) and you are creating that sense of trust and comfort with an absolute stranger. At this point, she is only thinking, "nice person he is", not necessarily that she has to fuck you tonight.
Now, when she opens herself up, the next step is to push up her heart beat rate and bring in the sexual chemistry. A bit of tension is what makes you a lover. Remember Enrique Iglesias' line "...Sweetest Pleasure is Pain..." from the song "I love to see you cry". This is the stage of Attraction. Not only do you make it hard for her a bit, that is, push her a bit, you get the chance to pull her in and you do that by flirting with her (passing romantic gestures to her). And I name it the FlirTease Theory of Attraction. What you do basically is you Flirt and you Tease! Remember the dictionary definitions of Flirting and Teasing. You disagree with her at times and break rapport. Attraction is nothing but making her to get her validation back or gain rapport once again.
Remember, you just MAKE HER FEEL that weird feeling of interest, curiosity and sexuality. A bit of hard time (though you should be friendly but still out of reach), complete non-neediness, heaps of social value and sexual vibe in the air. She will start to give you signals that she wants to get close to you and wants to know you better, and that's the time for deep rapport. Challenging her doesn't mean that you have to stay aloof or act rude. You should be positive yet just not under control. Women love what they can't have easily. Bad Boy Attitude!
Rule of Thumb: She may not work for you...You have to FORCE HER to do so.
Now, when she opens herself up, the next step is to push up her heart beat rate and bring in the sexual chemistry. A bit of tension is what makes you a lover. Remember Enrique Iglesias' line "...Sweetest Pleasure is Pain..." from the song "I love to see you cry". This is the stage of Attraction. Not only do you make it hard for her a bit, that is, push her a bit, you get the chance to pull her in and you do that by flirting with her (passing romantic gestures to her). And I name it the FlirTease Theory of Attraction. What you do basically is you Flirt and you Tease! Remember the dictionary definitions of Flirting and Teasing. You disagree with her at times and break rapport. Attraction is nothing but making her to get her validation back or gain rapport once again.
Remember, you just MAKE HER FEEL that weird feeling of interest, curiosity and sexuality. A bit of hard time (though you should be friendly but still out of reach), complete non-neediness, heaps of social value and sexual vibe in the air. She will start to give you signals that she wants to get close to you and wants to know you better, and that's the time for deep rapport. Challenging her doesn't mean that you have to stay aloof or act rude. You should be positive yet just not under control. Women love what they can't have easily. Bad Boy Attitude!
Rule of Thumb: She may not work for you...You have to FORCE HER to do so.
But here’s a thing to understand, for the newbies. More often, men think that this whole pickup thing works in a linear pattern. But no, it doesn’t. It’s not as if you create comfort and then stop… you create attraction and then stop…
No, it actually works in a layer pattern. You start with one layer and keep on putting layer over layers, so that ultimately you climb up to your goal. Was that a good analogy?
When you approach the woman, you just create a sense of trust and comfort in her. You add sexual tension and interest later on and so forth.
But the question is how do you normally use ball busting and flirtation? Yes, I know what you are thinking right now. One thing, getting to know each other creates that essential rapport, and rapport gets you the girl in the end, not some superficial attraction that you built with her. Then are just to steer and control the interaction in the right direction. They are like spices.
Suppose you continuously bust on her, she might think you are crazy. If you keep on acting amorous and passing romantic gestures to her, she might get bored of it and it will lose its ability of creating the necessary tension. If you are telling one story after another, you are giving her no chance to speak, bum. Let her speak and learn about her. She must feel like "he really understands me...we connect so well".
The idea is to get deep into her, emotionally into her and occupy her mind and heart. That’s making her fall in love. And for that, you need to listen to her. You elicit her values, her beliefs, her passions and give feedback to it. You are qualifying and connecting with her in other words. But why would she qualify herself to you? Deep rapport is not so easy.
Let’s say after you approach, you just tell her one story and try to elicit information from her. She might not open up instantly. But, after some trust and comfort is created with some safe and interesting (DHV) interaction, she opens up. Now, she feels interested about you. Why? It’s because you seem like you can add value to her life. Then, you qualify her lightly and ask her about herself. You both start getting to know each other. Remember, it's not that deep yet. To get deep into her, you got to enter her deep reality and command it. You start creating the sexual tension, flirting with her, teasing with her and also keeping the interest level intact with your DHV storytelling, and in the mean time, start eliciting values and opinion from her.
At the initial stages, she will normally be enjoying you as a company. But remember, she is feeling the attraction at the moment. It’s superficial attraction. But she doesn't feel a deep connection with you. And you CANNOT make her feel that deep connection with you as well, THAT SOON. You will be acting like a TRY-HARD and that ruins everything that you worked on so far. Remember, never push it. At this moment, she is not "emotionally" dependent on you and doesn't seek your approval as well, but she feels like she's opening up to you.
Note: How do you judge the connection if it is light or deep? It’s the amount she needs to qualify. Is it just her last grades in school? Or is it her whole family background that is going to be tested here? She should QUALIFY herself and as a reward, you CONNECT to her and form a relationship.
At this point, you can either work on the sexual attraction, and can escalate it to any of the physical close, if you think she’s that independent and adventurous herself. This is when you just want to get laid.
But let’s say you are running a day game and the logistics are against you so that you cannot escalate her to the physical level, so what do you do? You build some quick connection with her, that is, show her that you two have some kind of rapport and comfort, and then follow it up later on.
But even, when the girl seems adventurous and up for a quickie, it is always good to create some connection before you make your final move, because that gives you the chance to get a golden egg everyday and not only for one day.
How do you judge the connection if it is light or deep? It’s the amount she needs to qualify. Is it just her last grades in school? Or is it her whole family background that is going to be tested here? She should QUALIFY herself and as a reward, you CONNECT to her and form a relationship. How do you make sure that she qualifies herself and you can take the interaction forward? Tease her, not when she is qualifying herself but on some little flaws that only makes it CHALLENGING her status (not turning her off though), flirt with her that creates the right sexual chemistry for the interaction to move forward to the romantic level, and sharing DHV personal experiences that tells her that you are of her social status.
When you are doing some light comfort and trust session in the beginning, you can and should always be bringing the sexual tension as soon as you can, as soon as you find she is opening up to you and getting comfortable with you. You should start giving her a bit of a hard time and let her work for you a bit. Let her qualify herself to you.
And you slowly lead the interaction towards a more emotional level. Share your emotional sides, learn about her deep values, beliefs and opinions, compliment her and connect with her. You two are relating! That's called deep rapport.
Some questions for deep rapport:
Have you ever been in love?
How do you define?
What is the three best things about you?
What is the three worst things about you?
What is that one thing you cannot say NO to?
What is the worst moment of your life?
What is the best moment of your life?
..etc.
You see, all of them are not just normal questions that you ask to a stranger, but you ask this to someone, you have interacted with for quite some time and you have established that comfort and trust with that person. The trick to establish deep rapport is just chill and GO DEEP. Avoid introductory questions (mainly for creating trust and comfort) or everyday normal conversations (again for comfort and trust), focus on her, listen to her, show her real interest (she has earned it, remember) and try to understand her. You cannot directly come to this stage too soon. If you do, you are being a try-hard. Just give it some time. For that time being, you keep up the tension and keep creating enough comfort and trust with her. She'll let you know when the time has come.
When you are doing some light comfort and trust session in the beginning, you can and should always be bringing the sexual tension as soon as you can, as soon as you find she is opening up to you and getting comfortable with you. You should start giving her a bit of a hard time and let her work for you a bit. Let her qualify herself to you.
And you slowly lead the interaction towards a more emotional level. Share your emotional sides, learn about her deep values, beliefs and opinions, compliment her and connect with her. You two are relating! That's called deep rapport.
Some questions for deep rapport:
Have you ever been in love?
How do you define
What is the three best things about you?
What is the three worst things about you?
What is that one thing you cannot say NO to?
What is the worst moment of your life?
What is the best moment of your life?
..etc.
You see, all of them are not just normal questions that you ask to a stranger, but you ask this to someone, you have interacted with for quite some time and you have established that comfort and trust with that person. The trick to establish deep rapport is just chill and GO DEEP. Avoid introductory questions (mainly for creating trust and comfort) or everyday normal conversations (again for comfort and trust), focus on her, listen to her, show her real interest (she has earned it, remember) and try to understand her. You cannot directly come to this stage too soon. If you do, you are being a try-hard. Just give it some time. For that time being, you keep up the tension and keep creating enough comfort and trust with her. She'll let you know when the time has come.
And once, you she qualifies herself and you move on to a more physical level, you don’t make it so hard for her anymore. Or she will lose her interest in you. If you are too easy to seduce, she loses interest. If you are too hard to seduce, she loses interest. And you can play hard to get when she qualifies herself and you are moving onto the physical level. And remember, when she starts responding positively, you tone down busting on her (it should only be done for FUN and ENJOYMENT to keep the temperature up, she knows that you are kidding with her) or even stop flirt with her, and move it in the forward direction, that is, help her seduce you. Flirting is a kind of striking up her sexual excitation, when her heart races faster and she feels something for you. She sees yours sexuality and confidence, and also gets into the sexual mood. But when she’s qualifying, if you flirt, she will get distracted from the mode she’s in, that is, trying to win you over. Rather just qualify her, have fun (keep the temperature high), and pull her in at times. You don’t need to flirt when the sexual chemistry is already there. You can just express your sexual interest in her then. That’s not flirting, that’s rewarding her. Yes, that’s pulling her in and showing her that you approve her. And that keeps the momentum high. It’s not playful but now, you are being serious about it. If she doesn't qualify at some point, you can bust on her back and push her down once again.
Remember, seduction is nothing but pulling her in, rewarding her when she qualifies. If she doesn’t qualify herself or tries to seduce you, it’s no use trying to run any seductive routine on her. You can be a try hard but try hard means you have to really TRY HARD sometimes, pursue her for years and then get any results.
If you are obsessed with her and cannot live without her, that is definitely one of the routes to go but why not choose an easier way-out?
So, to end it,
The model here that we have spoken about is:
- Meet Women (either direct or indirect)
- Build Social Value, Create Comfort and Trust
- Reach Hook Point
- Bring Conflict/Tension, Create the Sexual Chemistry
- Establish Deep Rapport
- Seduce The Woman
- Reinforce Comfort and Trust
- Close the Deal
To simplify it even further,
Meeting > Familiarity (A little Comfort) > Sexual Tension > Deep Rapport > Seduction
That’s it.
But before we end, let me tell you one thing. Girls love you when you make her feel. She wants you to challenge her, she wants you to be sexual with her, she wants you to be serious and she wants you to playful. Tease her (challenge her), flirt with her (turn her on), be playful and establish deep rapport...do it all in the right proportion, and the girl would be yours!
Formula for you: Comfort + Playful (challenges her, pushes her away) + Deep Rapport (connects and pulls her in) = Seduction
But before we end, let me tell you one thing. Girls love you when you make her feel. She wants you to challenge her, she wants you to be sexual with her, she wants you to be serious and she wants you to playful. Tease her (challenge her), flirt with her (turn her on), be playful and establish deep rapport...do it all in the right proportion, and the girl would be yours!
Formula for you: Comfort + Playful (challenges her, pushes her away) + Deep Rapport (connects and pulls her in) = Seduction
Go use it and tell me how you feel about it.
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