My assistant Meby passed along an email that was sent to the office
yesterday. Her comment in her forwarded email was, "This is
ridiculous! You've got to read this". And so I did.
It was a longwinded email sent in from a reader who feels that he's
met a woman who might be "too hot" and he feels that she could be
demonstrating signs of either being a slut or "out to get a man"
(Ummm... well, most single women are).
From his description of the clothing that she wears, it DIDN'T
sound like she was wearing anything that was too "slut like" to me...
Instead it sounds like she wears "sexy professional" clothing with
knee-length skirts & high-heeled boots, lower cut blouses, cute
pumps and tighter blue jeans. And he claims that she works in a
professional office- so I really don't think it could be "too hot".
But he blathered on and on about how he thinks this might be a red
flag and he's wondering if he should call it quits now and part
ways with her, before he finds himself in love and possibly blind
to her actions.
Okay... Here's what I think is going on:
This man was able to develop his attractive character enough where
he was able to attract a woman who possibly is more attractive than
any woman he's ever gone out with, or possibly she's just more
confident and enjoys wearing sexy, cute clothing.
Deep down, he's afraid that this is going to end badly. Either
she'll lose attraction for him and she'll "hurt him"... Or maybe he's
been "used" in his past and feels that he'll be used again... Or
possibly he lacks so much confidence that he can't fathom any woman
liking him long term... It could be for a number of reasons...
But instead of trying his best to make it work & applying all that
he could easily learn from me, John Alanis, Carlos Xuma and various
teachers... he wants to self-sabotage this before he can get "hurt" -
also known as, HIM doing something to mess it up and cause her to
lose attraction. Instead, he would prefer to call it quits NOW and
blame it on her and her being a "slut" due to her sexy-professional
attire.
Look... she has a job and a decent one from what this man said. She's
in her early 30's and has a good looking body. And I'm sure to have
that good looking body she probably eats decently, possibly works
out and is proud of that fact. She sounds confident and secure,
from what I could tell.
Now, if she were running around, hooking up with any man available,
or jumping from job to job, partying too hard too frequently, or
demonstrating other impulsive or negative traits... then yes, that
would be a red flag.
But if she's holding down a stable job, maintaining a healthy body
and lifestyle and decides to put sexy clothing on her good looking
body... GREAT! Wonderful for her & for the confident "whole man" who
ends up marrying her.
It's extremely important to look for "red flags" when dating, but
you also have to make sure that you don't self-sabotage arelationship due to any fears or past hurts.
Being in this business, I constantly hear from men that seem to be
unconsciously self-sabotaging their interactions & relationships
with women. Creating some reason in their head to why the woman is
no good... or a slut... or after money... etc... Before he really has any
solid proof- and before the man can mess it up himself.
Make good things happen now.
_______________________________________________________
yesterday. Her comment in her forwarded email was, "This is
ridiculous! You've got to read this". And so I did.
It was a longwinded email sent in from a reader who feels that he's
met a woman who might be "too hot" and he feels that she could be
demonstrating signs of either being a slut or "out to get a man"
(Ummm... well, most single women are).
From his description of the clothing that she wears, it DIDN'T
sound like she was wearing anything that was too "slut like" to me...
Instead it sounds like she wears "sexy professional" clothing with
knee-length skirts & high-heeled boots, lower cut blouses, cute
pumps and tighter blue jeans. And he claims that she works in a
professional office- so I really don't think it could be "too hot".
But he blathered on and on about how he thinks this might be a red
flag and he's wondering if he should call it quits now and part
ways with her, before he finds himself in love and possibly blind
to her actions.
Okay... Here's what I think is going on:
This man was able to develop his attractive character enough where
he was able to attract a woman who possibly is more attractive than
any woman he's ever gone out with, or possibly she's just more
confident and enjoys wearing sexy, cute clothing.
Deep down, he's afraid that this is going to end badly. Either
she'll lose attraction for him and she'll "hurt him"... Or maybe he's
been "used" in his past and feels that he'll be used again... Or
possibly he lacks so much confidence that he can't fathom any woman
liking him long term... It could be for a number of reasons...
But instead of trying his best to make it work & applying all that
he could easily learn from me, John Alanis, Carlos Xuma and various
teachers... he wants to self-sabotage this before he can get "hurt" -
also known as, HIM doing something to mess it up and cause her to
lose attraction. Instead, he would prefer to call it quits NOW and
blame it on her and her being a "slut" due to her sexy-professional
attire.
Look... she has a job and a decent one from what this man said. She's
in her early 30's and has a good looking body. And I'm sure to have
that good looking body she probably eats decently, possibly works
out and is proud of that fact. She sounds confident and secure,
from what I could tell.
Now, if she were running around, hooking up with any man available,
or jumping from job to job, partying too hard too frequently, or
demonstrating other impulsive or negative traits... then yes, that
would be a red flag.
But if she's holding down a stable job, maintaining a healthy body
and lifestyle and decides to put sexy clothing on her good looking
body... GREAT! Wonderful for her & for the confident "whole man" who
ends up marrying her.
It's extremely important to look for "red flags" when dating, but
you also have to make sure that you don't self-sabotage arelationship due to any fears or past hurts.
Being in this business, I constantly hear from men that seem to be
unconsciously self-sabotaging their interactions & relationships
with women. Creating some reason in their head to why the woman is
no good... or a slut... or after money... etc... Before he really has any
solid proof- and before the man can mess it up himself.
Make good things happen now.
_______________________________________________________
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