On to Shelley -
one of my good female friends. Here's the situation she described...
For the past few Friday's her and the man she's dated for the past
6 years, have been trying to escape from their work/ businesses
early and enjoy a late lunch together, followed by some shopping
for the house, going to an art gallery, or doing something
together.
They meet at 1:30 at one of the Japanese/ Sushi restaurants in town
and they sit at the bar. Typically one of them will be able to make
it there before the other, so the one waiting will order a bottle
of wine or Sake and have a glass while waiting for the other.
At around 2:00-2:15 a young woman who is a waitress at the
restaurant comes in for her Friday shift. She's fairly tall, about
5'10', and my friend described her as being a "big girl". She said
that she isn't fat, however she has broad shoulders, thick thighs,
and a very muscular build.
Well, apparently she also has big breasts. And... when she arrives at
work she is typically wearing short "volley ball" style shorts and
a low cut tank top. She wears this because all of the waitresses at
this restaurant wear Kimonos and after the task of dressing in the
Kimono is complete, no one can tell what she has on underneath-
plus she wants to stay fairly cool throughout the evening.
Here's the issue...
It seems that my friend's boyfriend gets very excited whenever this
young woman arrives. As soon as she enters the door, he begins to
flirtatiously joke with her, look at her breasts, and he absolutely
loves watching one of the other women help her get dressed in her
Kimono.
She said that when this started she just looked at it as "innocent
fun", knowing that he's a man and he'll look at other women- and
that it isn't anything against her. She didn't take it personally
and she didn't get offended.
However, yesterday, she said that it was just "too much" and she
could tell that the young waitress was uncomfortable at the awkward
stares and gawking of her boyfriend.
My friend said that she suddenly felt like she was dating & sitting
next to an "old, desperate, horn dog trying to pick up a young
waitress".
She went on to say, "What gets me Shelley, is that she isn't even
his type! He always jokes about muscular big girls and he likes
slender women. He doesn't like women with thick thighs! But this
waitress comes in and his eyes bypass all of that and go straight
for her breasts!"
It was ironic that she happened to call yesterday evening, because
I just started reading "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" by Ogi Ogas and
Sai Goddam, which is a book that came highly recommended to me by
John Alanis.
In chapter 2, there is a section called "The Mythic Appeal of
Skinny". In this section, the authors share some interesting
findings from "Alexa rankings" (an online tool that tracks the
popularity of websites), there are 504 "grownup sites" that are
dedicated to heavy ladies AND only around 182 that are directly
dedicated to skinny women. In addition, they say that there are
around 150 online dating sites, dedicated to larger women... I didn't
even know that. (From "A Billion Wicked Thoughts")
So, what do I think is going on with my friend's boyfriend and why
does he seem to be so enamored by this young woman, who he claims
isn't his type???
Simple... because she is part of his type. She may not be the type
that he chooses to date... she may not be the type that he chooses to
admit liking... and he himself may not even know that he has a liking
for her type... But he obviously likes something about her.
And who knows why... Possibly he had a big breasted nanny when he was
younger, who possibly looked similar to her and maybe she would
occasionally spank him. Somewhere in his distant, far back, memory
he remembers being attracted to his nanny and having feelings for
her- even if they weren't directly sexual feelings at that time.
So who freak'n knows, but possibly when he sees this waitress he
becomes aroused, it triggers something from his past... and maybe he
even wants a spanking from her... who knows... it really doesn't
matter.
As humans, if we really want to be honest with ourselves, I think
it's dangerous to say, "this is my type". Because we all have
"parts" that we like- and they can't possibly be combined into one
person, plus that person will change over the years most likely.
And secondly, going back to the "waitress admirer" that my friend
is dating... It's very important that as a man, you never "gawk" or
create an awkward/ creepy feeling with your stares. Nothing gives a
woman a feeling of a "dirty man" faster, not to mention it ends all
mystery and intrigue. It immediately makes the man look desperate.
So... enjoy whatever your "things" are and the "parts" of various
women that you like, for whatever reason you may like them... But
DON'T get busted and then placed into the "dirty man" category.
What I quickly realized yesterday, was that my friend was far more
upset that her boyfriend had presented the image of a desperate
horn dog, than she was upset at the fact that he was admiring this
waitress. She happily "played along" all of the other times- it
didn't upset her until her boyfriend killed his attractive
character."
And that is so true. They say you gotta know what you want in a woman. But
the question is do you really know?
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