Horrible Advice On How To Pick Up Women

From Jeffy -

Jeffy here, back again to bring you some of the most valuable secrets of 

social interaction ever to grace an email. 

 

Just kidding. This issue, I'm gonna give you some of the WORST advice 

you've ever heard. Let's get right to it.

 

In my travels and my work with Real Social Dynamics, I meet a ton of 

students who are just starting out in the game, and there are certain 

things that they inevitably struggle with during this nascent period 

of player-dom. 

 

One of these "universal" problems involves reconciling their new-found 

attitudes with a lot of old cliches that they once held as truths. 

 

What I mean by this is that, over the years, we tend to accumulate a set 

of beliefs with regard to social interactions, especially interactions 

with the opposite sex, that sound good on paper.

 

But when push comes to shove, a lot of these beliefs turn out to be empty 

platitudes that can end up working AGAINST YOU.

 

As you grow and become more socially intelligent, you learn to recognize 

these old cliches for what they are. You may even come to a point where 

you start to actively work to eradicate the behaviors associated with them. 

 

Like, the guy will think to himself, "All that stuff is weak... that's just 

BS that society puts out to throw people off the track... I'm a REAL player, 

I won't fall for that." 

 

The funny thing, however, is this: behind all these apparently ass-

backwards cliches we've all heard since high school about the best way to 

go about picking up women, there exists an element of truth. 

 

These are the hidden nuggets of wisdom that only a true mack with a real-

world understanding of the mechanics of the game can pick up on. No pun 

intended.

 

What am I talking about here? Let me give you a couple of examples.

 

First off, there's that old admonition you used to hear constantly from 

your teachers and parents when you were a kid:

 

"You should think before you speak." 

 

This is one of my favorites. My dad used to say this one to me all the 

friggin' time.

 

"Boy, you need to learn to THINK before you speak!!"

 

Ok, makes sense. Of course.

 

The problem is this: a lot of guys get waaay too wrapped up in this. 

Especially when they're interacting with women.

 

For example, you have a guy talking to a girl at the bar. And he's sitting 

there talking to her, but in his head, he's always trying to stay two steps 

ahead, to ensure he doesn't say the wrong thing and blow it. 

 

It's like he's Garry Kasparov or something, trying to defeat IBM's Deep 

Blue supercomputer in the chess match of the century. Contemplating 

every possible move and permutation in advance, so he'll be ready for it.

 

Got to be READY!!

 

BZZZZZZT!!! Wrong. 

 

It's ironic, because when you're constantly trying to stay ahead in the 

interaction, you actually end up sabotaging yourself. 

 

What happens is this: by not focusing on being in the moment, you end up 

killing the vibe. 

 

In pickup, rhythm is so important as to be paramount to success. Rhythm, 

expression and confidence are all intertwined. If your mind is always 

thirty seconds in the future, you're going to subcommunicate bad things 

about yourself. Why would someone secure in their abilities be worried 

about "screwing up"?

 

Think of it like this: it's the difference between a novice guitar player 

struggling to remember which notes to play next, and Jimi Hendrix just 

riffing and flowing straight from the soul. If you've ever listened to a 

live Hendrix album, you know what I'm talking about.

 

(If you haven't, I suggest you download some immediately and listen to it 

while you read the rest of this newsletter). One sounds stilted and 

awkward, the other sounds honest and soulful... you can't help but be 

drawn in. 

 

By walking on eggshells and being concerned about what others will think 

of what you say, you're creating a gap between your true self and the 

persona others see.

 

This gap exists within everybody. In people who are highly charismatic, 

the gap will be so small as to be insignificant. There is literally no 

difference between what they feel inside and what they project to the 

world. 

 

This is universally attractive to all people. 

 

So, back to the original point: guys get into the game and they learn that 

this advice is, let's say, "not so good". As a result, they dismiss it outright 

as "chump conditioning". 

 

But, as I've come to realize, there's some hidden treasure in this dung 

heap.

 

As I've gotten more and more experience up in the game, I've started to 

develop a field intuition about certain scenarios. This intuition is basically 

my brain instantaneously comparing the situation at hand against all the 

information gleaned from three years of going out to meet women seven 

nights a week. 

 

When you get that many interactions under your belt, you gots quite the 

preponderance of data to draw from. 

 

So, for example, I'll be talking to a girl or a group of girls, and they will 

say "X". What happens is that my brain searches the database for similar 

experiences and brings back suggestions. 

 

Note that this happens INSTANTANEOUSLY. Your brain is an 

extremely powerful heuristic computing machine, more powerful than you 

know. Every sliver of information you've ever taken in is stored in it, 

somewhere. 

 

So when this happens, it's not something I'm consciously doing. It just 

happens.

 

The way it practically manifests is the interesting part.

 

Rather than throwing up suggestions of what to say, my brain spits out 

WARNINGS of things to NOT say or do. Like, my brain searches the 

database and comes back in a nanosecond with a warning: "DON'T DO 

THAT... LET IT GO... IF YOU DO THAT IT'S GAME OVER!!" 

 

Let me give you a quick couple of examples. 

 

Let's say I'm interacting with a group and someone in the group says 

something that sets them up for a joke at their expense. I have the perfect 

response for it, a response that I KNOW will get people around us falling 

down on the floor, clutching their sides in agony because they're laughing 

so hard. I get ready to spit the line out...

 

...when all of a sudden something stops me. It's my brain, telling me that, 

yes, the joke might be the funniest thing I've said all month, but it will piss 

off the wrong person in the group, and I'll end up blown out of the set. So I 

bite my tongue and move on. Sure, I didn't get the laugh, but I'll get the lay 

instead. Oh well. :)

 

The funny thing is, when I first got into the game, this warning wouldn't 

have come up. I would have just blithely spit out the line and been left 

there scratching my head in puzzlement after I got blown out. 

 

Here's another real life example. I'm getting ready for a date with a 19 year 

old I met last week. I know that this is ON, so I spend a couple hours 

getting my house ready for when I pull her back to it. This means mopping 

the floor, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, etc. 

 

So I call the chick up, and all of a sudden she tells me she's flaking on me 

to go to a ballgame. What the hell? I'm pretty irritated, especially since I 

did all that housework.

 

So I start to say to her, "But, I even cleaned the bathroom for you!" 

 

BZZZT!!! My spidey sense starts tingling like a mofo! "DO NOT SAY 

THAT! DO NOT SAY THAT!" 

 

So instead, I say in a sarcastic tone, "Awww, I'm so disappointed. I hired a 

limo, had flowers flown in from Brazil, and even got a concert pianist 

from France to make the night special." She starts laughing and agrees to 

meet up after the game. I laid her that night... SOLID GAME!

 

Now, what happened there was, my brain searched the database and came 

up with this: telling her that I cleaned my bathroom would raise her "anti-

slut-defense". Why would I clean my bathroom? What am I expecting, her 

to come back to my house and sleep with me? Oh my god, how shocking!

 

Based on past experience, I knew this was the incorrect course of action, 

so I changed my tack and succeeded.

 

So basically, what I'm saying here is that when you hear someone say, 

"You should think before you speak," the true meaning isn't that you 

should walk on eggshells and carefully weigh every word that comes out 

of your mouth. 

 

Think of it like this instead: it's more a matter of installing 

BEHAVIORAL FILTERS in your head that guide you down a funnel of 

choices that lead you to your goals in a given interaction. As you 

accumulate more and more experience, the filters become more 

comprehensive. 

 

Another Hall of Fame cliche we hear all the time is the old classic, "just be 

yourself".  

 

Talk to any of your female friends about pickup, and odds are they'll 

answer with some variant of this.

 

"Just be yourself, and everything will be fine."

 

At this point you're most likely sitting there thinking to yourself, 

"Nonsense.  I've been myself my entire life, and it's not really getting me 

laid as much as I'd like! If anything, I need to become DIFFERENT than 

how I am now!"

 

This is why lot of people initially seek out structure when they come to the 

pickup game.  It's precisely because they feel that it isn't enough to "just 

be themselves".  They feel that if they just had some more material, 

everything would fall into place; it becomes a crutch, a supplement that 

makes developing an actual personality unnecessary.  

 

It's unfortunate, because what they're doing is misunderstanding the true 

meaning of the phrase. 

 

When someone tells you to be yourself, they don't mean to keep on 

engaging in the same old behaviors that haven't got you laid in the past 

and just shrug your shoulders when it doesn't work out.  What they really 

mean is to drop all of the filters of insecurity in your head and start 

expressing yourself congruently. 

 

In other words, don't *just* be yourself, be a hyper version of yourself.  

People who are operating on a very pure level internally are magnetic. It's 

not about making yourself over into a new person, it's about letting go of 

that which STIFLES the attractive person that already lies within you. 

 

Be all you can be. 

_______________________________________________________

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