There's always a lot of emphasis placed on not giving one's power
away when relating to women. Yet, the exact meaning of this
concept continually eludes a lot of guys out there.
It's easy to see why this would be the case.
On one hand, the vast majority of us don't want to be controlling
I/Js ("Idiot/Jerks").
But on the other hand, we see countless instances on television
of guys in sitcoms who think they're "large and in charge", but
who in reality are nothing more than, well...p-whipped.
It's pretty much your biggest nightmare when it comes to
relationship management, isn't it?
As a man, you know you're supposed to provide leadership and a
sense of security to a woman in a relationship. But there just
aren't a lot of shining examples out there with regard to how to be
effective at it.
It used to be that men knew how to quarterback a relationship. Men
were men, and the women loved us for it.
But somewhere in the latter half of the twentieth century,
something went awry.
Perhaps this all started way back in the Stone Age of television,
when "The Honeymooners" graced the black and white screen. In
case you're curious, I'm way too young to remember that also, but
therein lies part of the problem.
You see, a major subplot of the show involved Jackie Gleason's
booming, demanding, larger-than-life persona and how he related to
his wife.
Though seeming to have a "my way or the highway" attitude,
whenever the chips were down he would crack under pressure
and become an indecisive, self-loathing ball of confusion.
It was then his wife would step in, take care of business and
save the day.
The genius of Jackie Gleason was, of course...ironic comedy.
Why was the show so funny? You guessed it. Men didn't REALLY act
like that. So when you saw it happening on television, it made you
laugh.
Years later, The Flintstones were basically modeled after the
Honeymooners. In between Ricky and Lucy had come along. And the
die was cast.
Fast forward to today, and nearly EVERY television comedy involves
a guy who is full of sound and fury, but in the end...is p-whipped.
And because such scenarios have been a fixture on television for so
long, most of us no longer remember when they weren't.
The danger is that we as guys begin to see that kind of
relationship as NORMAL, rather than the comedic aberration it's
meant to be.
The cold hard truth is this: Though women will test your ability
to lead and provide security to a relationship, they really don't
want to "own" you. Not in real life.
In fact, show me a woman who "wears the pants" in a relationship,
and I'll show you a bitter, resentful woman.
Think about it. Running through the file cards of your mind, can
you think of any woman you know who has her boyfriend in her back
pocket but also respects him and adores him in the way most men
desire?
Short of Cuba Gooding, Jr. and his wife in Jerry Maguire, you'll be
hard pressed. Besides, the intent in Jerry Maguire is, again,
ironic comedy.
So no doubt, it's time to get in touch with exactly how we as guys
tend to fall into a dangerous state of having been "pwned" by the
chick we're with.
Granted, I don't think any of us decide from the outset that we're
going to become p-whipped. For most guys who end up in that zone,
it all happens so gradually that one day you wake up and it dawns
on you that you're already there.
Crazy, huh?
Here's a little 20/20 foresight for you. What follows are five ways
you can get p-whipped without ever even realizing what hit you:
1) Control By Weakness
She's feeling sick or is too tired, so you cater to her (again)
because you feel sorry for her. And since you are sick of the
place looking like hell, you also do all the dishes ...and pick up
all the trash ...and clean the bathroom ...again.
I'm not saying that the opposite should be the case and that she
should do all the heavy lifting. I'm simply demonstrating how the
balance shifts from a reasonable place to "all you all the time".
2) Stepping In When She Messes Up
OK, well she has burned your dinner and/or put too much salt in the
spaghetti sauce one time too many. So you cook dinner from now on.
And she threw a red t-shirt in with your white socks again, ruining
every pair you have. So you do the laundry from now on.
And whenever she does the grocery shopping, she has this way of
buying $100 worth of stuff...and nothing to eat. Or drink, either. So
away when relating to women. Yet, the exact meaning of this
concept continually eludes a lot of guys out there.
It's easy to see why this would be the case.
On one hand, the vast majority of us don't want to be controlling
I/Js ("Idiot/Jerks").
But on the other hand, we see countless instances on television
of guys in sitcoms who think they're "large and in charge", but
who in reality are nothing more than, well...p-whipped.
It's pretty much your biggest nightmare when it comes to
relationship management, isn't it?
As a man, you know you're supposed to provide leadership and a
sense of security to a woman in a relationship. But there just
aren't a lot of shining examples out there with regard to how to be
effective at it.
It used to be that men knew how to quarterback a relationship. Men
were men, and the women loved us for it.
But somewhere in the latter half of the twentieth century,
something went awry.
Perhaps this all started way back in the Stone Age of television,
when "The Honeymooners" graced the black and white screen. In
case you're curious, I'm way too young to remember that also, but
therein lies part of the problem.
You see, a major subplot of the show involved Jackie Gleason's
booming, demanding, larger-than-life persona and how he related to
his wife.
Though seeming to have a "my way or the highway" attitude,
whenever the chips were down he would crack under pressure
and become an indecisive, self-loathing ball of confusion.
It was then his wife would step in, take care of business and
save the day.
The genius of Jackie Gleason was, of course...ironic comedy.
Why was the show so funny? You guessed it. Men didn't REALLY act
like that. So when you saw it happening on television, it made you
laugh.
Years later, The Flintstones were basically modeled after the
Honeymooners. In between Ricky and Lucy had come along. And the
die was cast.
Fast forward to today, and nearly EVERY television comedy involves
a guy who is full of sound and fury, but in the end...is p-whipped.
And because such scenarios have been a fixture on television for so
long, most of us no longer remember when they weren't.
The danger is that we as guys begin to see that kind of
relationship as NORMAL, rather than the comedic aberration it's
meant to be.
The cold hard truth is this: Though women will test your ability
to lead and provide security to a relationship, they really don't
want to "own" you. Not in real life.
In fact, show me a woman who "wears the pants" in a relationship,
and I'll show you a bitter, resentful woman.
Think about it. Running through the file cards of your mind, can
you think of any woman you know who has her boyfriend in her back
pocket but also respects him and adores him in the way most men
desire?
Short of Cuba Gooding, Jr. and his wife in Jerry Maguire, you'll be
hard pressed. Besides, the intent in Jerry Maguire is, again,
ironic comedy.
So no doubt, it's time to get in touch with exactly how we as guys
tend to fall into a dangerous state of having been "pwned" by the
chick we're with.
Granted, I don't think any of us decide from the outset that we're
going to become p-whipped. For most guys who end up in that zone,
it all happens so gradually that one day you wake up and it dawns
on you that you're already there.
Crazy, huh?
Here's a little 20/20 foresight for you. What follows are five ways
you can get p-whipped without ever even realizing what hit you:
1) Control By Weakness
She's feeling sick or is too tired, so you cater to her (again)
because you feel sorry for her. And since you are sick of the
place looking like hell, you also do all the dishes ...and pick up
all the trash ...and clean the bathroom ...again.
I'm not saying that the opposite should be the case and that she
should do all the heavy lifting. I'm simply demonstrating how the
balance shifts from a reasonable place to "all you all the time".
2) Stepping In When She Messes Up
OK, well she has burned your dinner and/or put too much salt in the
spaghetti sauce one time too many. So you cook dinner from now on.
And she threw a red t-shirt in with your white socks again, ruining
every pair you have. So you do the laundry from now on.
And whenever she does the grocery shopping, she has this way of
buying $100 worth of stuff...and nothing to eat. Or drink, either. So
you're the one who hits the supermarket from now on.
If she demonstrates incompetence--or even perceived
incompetence--enough, you'll pretty much take over everything...right?
3) Dreading Her Drama Over Even The Little Things
Face it, we as guys can't stand theatrical demos and hurt feelings.
The last thing the typical guy wants to handle is having made a
woman cry.
So instead of dealing with the fallout from potential conflict, we
avoid it altogether.
4) Thinking She's Out Of Your League
If you are not used to having high-quality options when it comes to
women, you may very feel you've hit the friggin' jackpot when a
true hottie walks into your life.
If your mindset is such that you feel you're going to have to be
"Mr. Perfect" in order to pull off keeping her around, you're toast.
5) Thinking It's Harder To Break Up And Start All Over Than To Just
Let It Ride
You may see yourself becoming a bit resentful and dissatisfied with
how things are going in the relationship. But in your mind it
sounds like too much work to end this relationship and have to find
another woman. After all, how bad can it possibly get? Some
people have nobody in their lives, so at least you have someone.
Do you see a pattern here? The irony of how most guys get
p-whipped is that they initially see their decisions and subsequent
actions as being rooted in strength. It's easy to enter into any
of the situations above feeling like you're taking the proverbial
"bull by the horns" and making something happen YOUR way and by
YOUR rulebook.
But the subtle and insidious reality is that you quickly fall prey
to tolerating passivity from the woman you are with, which--in a
twist of ultimate irony--puts her in complete, utter control.incompetence--enough, you'll pretty much take over everything...right?
3) Dreading Her Drama Over Even The Little Things
Face it, we as guys can't stand theatrical demos and hurt feelings.
The last thing the typical guy wants to handle is having made a
woman cry.
So instead of dealing with the fallout from potential conflict, we
avoid it altogether.
4) Thinking She's Out Of Your League
If you are not used to having high-quality options when it comes to
women, you may very feel you've hit the friggin' jackpot when a
true hottie walks into your life.
If your mindset is such that you feel you're going to have to be
"Mr. Perfect" in order to pull off keeping her around, you're toast.
5) Thinking It's Harder To Break Up And Start All Over Than To Just
Let It Ride
You may see yourself becoming a bit resentful and dissatisfied with
how things are going in the relationship. But in your mind it
sounds like too much work to end this relationship and have to find
another woman. After all, how bad can it possibly get? Some
people have nobody in their lives, so at least you have someone.
Do you see a pattern here? The irony of how most guys get
p-whipped is that they initially see their decisions and subsequent
actions as being rooted in strength. It's easy to enter into any
of the situations above feeling like you're taking the proverbial
"bull by the horns" and making something happen YOUR way and by
YOUR rulebook.
But the subtle and insidious reality is that you quickly fall prey
to tolerating passivity from the woman you are with, which--in a
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