Double Your Dating Skills: Top 9 Common Misconceptions about Picking Up Women (by RSD)

What is it that separates the amateur from the professional? Is

it innate, god-given skills? Hard work? Passion?

While all these things may play a factor, a lot of the time, it's

just a question of KNOWLEDGE. A woking knowledge off the ins and

outs of the game, and the ability to see past common

misconceptions and discern the true path, which is often

counter-intuitive.

The dating game is no different. Misconceptions abound, and they have a tendency to separate the players from the posers in a jiffy.

In fact, many of these misconceptions are straight-up LIES propagated by certain aspects of the culture. Television programs, love songs, movies, etc.

We're exposed to this social conditioning from a very early age.

It's everywhere, inescapable. Maybe it exists because society as

we know it couldn't continue to function without it (after all, a
society where every male was a full-blown player would eventually
become unstable and disintegrate).

Whatever the reason, it's this social conditioning that keeps

most guys from having the kind of sex life they dream about. The

average man has less than eight sex partners in his ENTIRE LIFE.

I don't know about you but that sounds pretty damn

weak to me.

So, in the interest of preventing YOU from becoming another "less

than eight" statistic, what I'm gonna do right here is break

down for you some of the more common misconceptions swirling

around the world of dating and pick-up.

1. "The right way to go about attracting a girl is to logically

convince her that you are the best man for her. In other words,

what you need to do is present your case as though you were in a

court of law, providing evidence and material witnesses to attest

to your status as excellent boyfriend material."

This makes sense. If you truly are the best guy for her, if you

were able to prove that, she'd naturally realize that the best

course of action would be to hook up with you, right?

Wrong. What this very sensible line of reasoning fails to take

into account is the fact that attraction has little, if

anything, to do with logic.

Attraction is not something that people decide to have for

someone.

It is something purely EMOTIONAL, that can be triggered by a

competent pick-up artist in a very short time, provided he

knows which switches to flip.

Attempting to logically convince a girl to like you is like

attempting to logically convince a ravenous tiger to not eat you.

It's not gonna work, and you're gonna end up in a heap on the

ground with your heart ripped out of your chest.

Moving on...

2. "To get a girl you want, it's best to try really hard to win

her over. This way, she'll see how much you really care, and

she'll fall in love with you."

Oh brother. I don't even know where to start with this one.

It all goes back to the concept of VALUE. People in general, and

women in this particular instance, are attracted to those who

they feel can help them MAINTAIN or GAIN value.

What are you sub communicating when you follow a chick around

and are constantly trying to impress her?

That's right, you're letting her know that SHE is the prize,

and that you place a great deal of value on her.

Which is just another way of saying that you are not someone that

could provide any value to HER.

Trying hard to win her over isn't NOBLE or GALLANT, it's just

NEEDY.

3. "If you like a girl, you should choose your words very

carefully around her. By being careful and walking on eggshells,

you prevent yourself from saying anything stupid and screwing up

the pickup."

Ok, what's the problem with this?

First of all, it's setting up a frame where, again, she is of

higher value. By doing this you're putting yourself in a very

outcome-dependent place internally. And like it or not, you can't

help but sub communicate that during the interaction.

It will show through in countless, subtle ways. Through your

body language. Through your tone of voice. Women in particular

are highly attuned to this sort of thing, and it's bound to

trip you up.

Moreover, by carefully planning and pining, you kill all

spontaneity in the interaction. It's that very spontaneity which

is often the catalyst for that ephemeral thing we call "chemistry"

which is INCREDIBLY VITAL to any successful pickup.

Attraction happens FAST. Rather than plotting and planning, it's

best to just go in, BOOM BOOM BOOM hit the switches, and be out.

Don't shoot yourself in the foot with all this methodical,

ponderous nonsense.

4. "If you want a girl, it's best to just be honest with her

about your feelings. You should just go up to her and tell her

how you feel. She'll respect you for this and see the light."

In a perfect world, this would be true. Unfortunately, this isn't

a perfect world, just the best of all possible worlds."

Have you ever done this and had it work? I think every guy has

done this at least once.

I remember when I did it. I was in junior high, and I really

liked this one girl. So I got her phone number from her friend. I

spent an entire morning with the number in my hand, staring at it

and psyching myself up to call her.

Finally, after several hours, I summoned the courage to dial the

number. I asked her parents if she was home, they put her on the

phone.

I said, "Heather? Hi, it's Jeff from history class. I like you,

do you wanna go out with me?"

Guess what happened.

The chick started LAUGHING, said no, and hung up.

The problem was that I had done absolutely nothing to build

attraction whatsoever. This particular conceit, that being honest

and forthright is a great way to get girls, fails to take this

into account.

The fact of the matter is, when you do something like this and

come right out and state your intent, it forces the girl to

make a decision about you IMMEDIATELY, based on what she knows

about you.

If you've done some groundwork and built attraction prior to

playing your "honesty card," it can work. If you haven't, well

get ready for a little Jr. High experience of your own!

5. "Good-looking guys never get rejected by girls."

This is an absolute fallacy. You have to realize, even the

best-looking guys rely on contingencies.

I've known several "naturals" who were INCREDIBLY successful with

women in my time, and almost all of these guys got laid because

girls would approach THEM.

Put the guy in a situation where he sees a girl he wants who

DOESN'T approach him, however, and the dude is paralyzed.

See, the thing is, it's VERY RARE to find guys who do cold

approaches on strangers. It just doesn't happen that often. Even

these so-called 'naturals' don't do it. Yet somehow the myth

gets propagated that these dudes are some kind of superhumans,

and by extension we get the even more destructive myth that

"hot girls only sleep with hot guys."

Listen, you've got to realize that looks are nowhere near as

important to women as they are to men. I mean, yes, you do need

to have decent hygiene and style, but beyond that, it's not some

huge overriding factor in how much you get laid.

Trust me on this. I was a pale, short dude pushin thirty with a

beer gut when I started learning this stuff, and I still slept with

women who were "hotter" than me by several orders of magnitude.

Of course, now I'm a ripped abs superhero, but that's mainly for

health purposes.

6. "Guys are always chasing after sex; therefore, it follows that

guys like sex more than girls."

This is absolute rubbish, as they say in the UK.

Chew on this: only females have an organ that is designed solely

for sexual pleasure. That organ has something like 10,000 times

the number of nerve endings of any other region of the human

body (we're talking about the clitoris, of course).

The only reason it seems as though guys are more into sex is

because it is more of a commodity for them.

Think about it. Even the most homely woman in town can likely get

laid by taking a trip down to her local bar by herself. A woman

has plenty of options if she wants to get laid.

The thing is, she has to be very selective about when and where

she has sex. If she wasn't constantly SCREENING men out, well,

she'd end up having sex with 50,000 guys by the time she was done.

Doesn't leave much time for other hobbies, does it?

It's this necessary process of screening which ends up giving

the ABSOLUTELY FALSE impression that women don't enjoy sex as

much as men do.

Make no mistake: they like it just as much, IF NOT MORE.

7. "If people see me doing approaches, they'll point me out to

their friends and all have a good laugh. In fact, people are

always looking around to see if dudes are approaching girls so

they can laugh at them. If I do cold approaches, people will

think less of me."

This is just screwed-up internal talk at work here.

Look, the thing you've got to realize is that most people are so

self-absorbed that they can barely cross the street without

getting hit by a car. What makes you think that they're gonna

notice you approaching some girls?

Let's just imagine for a second that some guy DOES notice you

and starts to mock you, for the sake of argument. Why would he

do something like that? What would his motivations be?

What's likely going on is that the guy couldn't do a cold

approach to save his life, and as such ENVIES you. Even if you

get blown out, it doesn't matter: you had the balls to approach,

he doesn't, and it KILLS him inside. That's what's REALLY goin'

on.

What about the girls you approach who reject you? Man, they're

not thinking any less of you, provided you've got a BASE LEVEL

of competence. At the most, they're gonna think to themselves,

"Wow, that guy's got some balls, he seems like a guy who just

goes up to girls and doesn't give a damn. I'm not up for it

right now, but he seems cool."

It's not a big deal. If this is something you currently believe,

consider why you're thinking like this. You're making EXCUSES

to NOT approach. Might be time to reframe things.

8. "If I go to the club and don't drink alcohol, people will

notice and think I'm weird."

See above... people are simply too self-absorbed to care about

stuff like this.

If you believe this, seriously ask yourself if this is an excuse

to drink alcohol because it helps you with your confidence issues.

Listen, I drink when I go out to the club. I'm the last person to

sit here and give you a lecture about the perils of drinking.

But if you're using it as a crutch to help you approach women,

that's not a good thing. Give it some thought.

9. "When I see guys dancing with girls and grinding up on them

on the dance floor, well, those guys are obviously going home

with the girls at the end of the night."

RIIIIIIGHT...

Check it: I can't count the number of times I've been gaming a girl, then had her go off to the dance floor and get grinded on by some chode. Did I lose my cool? No. I simply waited until they were done dancing, then rolled in and swooped her away from the guy. Not difficult at all.

See, when the girls are out on the floor, it's par for the coursefor these guys to come up and do this stuff. They think they're getting somewhere, then act all surprised when the girl stops paying attention to them when they get off the dance floor.

The thing is, while this sort of thing CAN work, it has no correlation to attraction.

Again, it CAN work, but it has a tendency to slot you into the

category of the "regular guys" who ALL do this stuff, most of

whom get blown off.

We don't want statistical roulette. We want CONSISTENCY.

Remember, people are hardwired for attraction. It can be

triggered simply by hitting a series of switches, which have

little to do with the above conceptions.

A skilled player can roll in anytime, flip those switches and capitalize

before she even knows what hit her.

So that is it.

Okay, I'm bringing the curtain down on this one.

See ya next time.