more these days: break-ups... and how you can get your
girlfriend back.
So if you're currently going through a breakup and don't know
how to get her back then listen up. Before you can even think
of planning a relationship repair strategy you must take into
account the following four factors:
- The length of the relationship
- The exact time since the breakup occurred
- The reason for the breakup
- The sequence of events that occurred since the breakup
(e.g. mistakes you've made and her reactions to them)
Now why is it so important to take the above into
consideration first before attempting to get her back?
Simple: these are the exact 4 factors that will determine
your unique strategy for getting your girl back from this
moment forward.
Because no matter what anyone tells you... every relationship
is different. What worked for someone else won't necessarily
work for you. So while you can't take a "canned approach" with
your particular case... what you can (and should) do is take
your current circumstances and use them to formulate a
strategy that maximizes your chances of success.
For example, the length of the relationship... why is this so
important? Because this defines how fast you must act to win
her back and how much leeway you have with making mistakes.
As a general rule of thumb, the longer the relationship was
the more you can afford to step back and let time take its
healing role without fear of losing her altogether.
In contrast, if you've only been dating for a couple of weeks
then giving her 3 months of space will not help your
situation much.
Next, why is the time since the breakup important?
Because time works directly against you when you're trying
to get her back. So the shorter relationship was the faster
you must put your strategy in place.
Next, the reason for the breakup... did she break up with you
because you were too needy or because you didn't pay her
enough attention?
Why?
Because it determines how aggressively you should pursue her.
For example, if your breakup resulted from not giving her
enough attention and you haven't made the classic mistake of
begging her back, then you need to actively attempt to solve
your differences. However, if neediness on your part was
the culprit in ending your relationship then backing off is
the approach of choice.
And finally, the events that occurred since the breakup...
these are everything from errors made on your part (begging,
pleading, etc.) to steps she's taken towards getting back
together; in general they're the circumstances that take
your relationship and make it completely different from
everybody else's.
And while attempting to cover these events is beyond the
scope of this article keep one thing in mind: never try to
"reinvent the wheel". If something is working for you or
has worked in the past then use it as part of your strategy.
If not, then dump it and take the opposite approach.
So in conclusion, no matter how unique your particular
breakup scenario is, it's more than possible to come up
with an effective strategy on how to get her back by
taking the 4 starting points and putting them together to
maximize your chances of success.
-------------------------
ON HER BREAK UP REASONS:
-------------------------
Well, there are many reasons a girl breaks up with a guy.
And in the majority of cases her intentions are quite
clear: she just wants "out" because this whole ordeal is
not living up to her expectations.
However, no matter how cut and dry a woman's motives may
appear there is one specific reason to be singled out
before calling it quits: is she putting you through "the
test"? And if she is... how can you make sure that you pass?
Well first we need to define what exactly is this "test"
that I'm referring to. In the simplest of descriptions
it's a woman's way of telling a guy that it's either time
for him to step things up or time for him to get lost...
an indirect "all or nothing" proposition if you will.
What does this mean?
To be blunt: she wants a solid commitment
(engagement/marriage).
So how can you be sure that her break up reasons are
imply part of a test? It's not that difficult.
All you need to do is take 3 things into consideration:
- The length of the relationship
- Her age
- The marital status of her closest friends and
immediate family members (e.g. sisters)
For example, if you've been together for several years
(2-5 or more) and you're in your mid-20's to mid-30's
then it's very possible that the reason she broke up
with you is simply to "shock" you into commitment.
Another thing to consider: is she in her early thirties?
Because many single women naturally panic at this point
in their lives because their biological clocks are
ticking. They want to get married and have babies.
And finally, if the majority of her girlfriends are
either married or engaged to be married but she's still
single... it should be painfully obvious to you that she
wants to "jump on the bandwagon".
So let's say your relationship circumstances fit the
above criteria (more or less) and you've concluded that
her break up reasons were nothing more than a test. How
to proceed with getting her back?
Give her wants she wants but give it to her tactfully.
The first thing you should do is confront her. Tell her
that you realize why she broke up with you and that
you're ready to settle down - but set a strict date.
Don't leave things up in the air or you'll soon give
her yet another reason to break up.
If she accepts... great... mission accomplished. If she
refuses your proposal don't go giving up hope just yet.
Understand that it will take some time to both get her
to trust in your seriousness to commit and to overcome
her shattered sense of pride (after all you've rejected
her in one way or another).
But with a healthy dose of patience and steady steps
in the right direction you will eventually be able to
wear down her resistance and turn her break up reasons
into nothing more than faint memory of the past.
_______________________________________________________
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