1. Thou shalt not be ungroomed. Hair, sideburns, beard,
goatee, stache, whatever. Got hair on your body, keep it
under control. Don't get lazy and let the fur grow
caveman-style. Cavemen don't get hotties.
2. Thou shalt not wear clothes that don't fit. There's a
reason clothes come in many sizes, guys. It's so you can buy
the ones that actually fit you. Women notice an M wearing
XL, and they ain't going home with him.
3. Thou shalt not wear crappy shoes. Shoes tell women
everything they need to know about you. Smelly sneakers,
sandals with socks, and gore-tex hiking boots do not get
into the hottie's sheets.
4. Thou shalt not pull pants up to your nipples. Your
grandpa needs to keep his pants that high. You, my friend,
have a waist. Find it and use it.
5. Thou shalt not dress in the dark. Before you leave the
house, look in a frickin' mirror. If you see a dork standing
there, make him go change into something presentable.
6. Thou shalt not wear clothes that were cool when "Living
La Vida Loca" was a hit. Just because your "Thriller" jacket
got you looks in '85, that's no reason to rock it now.
7. Thou shalt not bathe in cologne. We know you love your
Old Spice, but less is more, cowboy.
8. Thou shalt not wear glasses that make you look like a
chemistry teacher. Even if you are a chemistry teacher, you
can get frames that actually look good on you. They do make
them, you know. Just ask.
9. Thou shalt not follow trends blindly. See everyone in
the bar wearing striped shirts? Do something different. Get
the gear that goes with you. You have to stand out, not
blend in.
10. Thou shalt not wear fleece. You are a man, not a sheep.
So stop wearing big billowing soft stuff that makes you look
like you should be chased by a border collie. If it's cold,
get a real coat.
That's it. Anything sound familiar?
If you've been breaking any of these Commandments, it's timeto repent and change your sinful ways.
_______________________________________________________
goatee, stache, whatever. Got hair on your body, keep it
under control. Don't get lazy and let the fur grow
caveman-style. Cavemen don't get hotties.
2. Thou shalt not wear clothes that don't fit. There's a
reason clothes come in many sizes, guys. It's so you can buy
the ones that actually fit you. Women notice an M wearing
XL, and they ain't going home with him.
3. Thou shalt not wear crappy shoes. Shoes tell women
everything they need to know about you. Smelly sneakers,
sandals with socks, and gore-tex hiking boots do not get
into the hottie's sheets.
4. Thou shalt not pull pants up to your nipples. Your
grandpa needs to keep his pants that high. You, my friend,
have a waist. Find it and use it.
5. Thou shalt not dress in the dark. Before you leave the
house, look in a frickin' mirror. If you see a dork standing
there, make him go change into something presentable.
6. Thou shalt not wear clothes that were cool when "Living
La Vida Loca" was a hit. Just because your "Thriller" jacket
got you looks in '85, that's no reason to rock it now.
7. Thou shalt not bathe in cologne. We know you love your
Old Spice, but less is more, cowboy.
8. Thou shalt not wear glasses that make you look like a
chemistry teacher. Even if you are a chemistry teacher, you
can get frames that actually look good on you. They do make
them, you know. Just ask.
9. Thou shalt not follow trends blindly. See everyone in
the bar wearing striped shirts? Do something different. Get
the gear that goes with you. You have to stand out, not
blend in.
10. Thou shalt not wear fleece. You are a man, not a sheep.
So stop wearing big billowing soft stuff that makes you look
like you should be chased by a border collie. If it's cold,
get a real coat.
That's it. Anything sound familiar?
If you've been breaking any of these Commandments, it's timeto repent and change your sinful ways.
_______________________________________________________
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