Sep 30, 2010

Why Women Love Jerks, Instead of Nice Guys

I want to ask you an important question:  why do women love jerks?

This is a question you've probably asked yourself at some point in your life.  And you might even wonder why women will ditch a guy who treats her well, only to go after an arrogant prick!

It seems like every day I hear about some guy who has had this problem.  Usually he'll complain about treating a woman REALLY well, but losing her to some schmuck who'll only ends up mistreating her.

So why does this happen?

Well that's a difficult question to answer.  The answer is jerks are NOT boring.  And there's an interesting explanation of why this is true.  But before we get to that, let's talk about the OPPOSITE of the jerk - "The Nice Guy".

If you've ever watched one of those cheesy 80's movies, "The Nice Guy" was the sweet, caring dude who secretly wanted to be with the Prom Queen.  He's clueless with women, but has a heart of gold.  And at the very end, the popular girl realizes how wonderful he is AND they live happily ever after.

Unfortunately life doesn't work this way!

In the REAL WORLD, a overly-friendly, nice guy bores the crap out of women.  When dealing with a girl, he usually listens to her problems and hopes that someday she'll want to be with him instead of the jerk that just broke her heart.

The problem is nice guys engage women on a LOGICAL level, instead of an EMOTIONAL level.  He may make a great FRIEND, but he's doing nothing to create sexual attraction.

Women end up with jerks because they provide an emotional charge. Sure he can act like an asshole and hurt her feelings, but he ALSO provides excitement AND arousal.  Around a jerk, a woman never really knows what to expect.  All she feels are the tingling of butterflies in her stomach when he's around.

Now there's good news here...EVERY woman has dated a jerk at some point in her life.  And from this experience, she's learned that it's not healthy to be around a man like this.  However MOST  women want that emotional charge WITHOUT the baggage that a jerk often provides.

In short, she wants a man who is compassionate, but also a little bit edgy.

By understanding a woman's desire for an emotional experience, you provide her with the perfect balance between 'The Nice Guy' and the jerk.  When you're talking to women, you want to show ALL the qualities of the jerk (leadership, spontaneity, social dominance and humor) without being the wishy-washy nice guy that typically repulses women.

In other words, you can use your conversation skills to playfully tease a woman, while keeping the warmth and comfort she would find with "The Nice Guy".

I call this "Assumed Familiarity".  Here you'll act like her buddy by teasing her in a friendly manner, but at the same time, you're subtly demonstrating that attractive qualities that she wants in a man.

Now this can be a hard concept for many guys to grasp.  It's pretty hard to strike that delicate balance between the jerk and nice guy.  Most of it involves creating EMOTION in a POSITIVE way without being perceived as being a jerk.


You don't have to be a jerk to make a woman interesting. However, you can create an emotional roller-coaster by knowing why women are drawn to these type of guys.

When you can create POSITIVE emotions EVERY time you're talking to a girl, you can be the NICEST guy in the world and still get ANY woman.
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