Today I approached a woman. She was coming from the opposite direction. She passed by me, and I took a turn and went up to her, smiled a bit and said a calm Hi. I don’t what she was thinking. She had her earphones on. Anyway, she pulled them down. I just rephrased myself once more. And she replied back with a kind of shy, scared ‘Please no’. I felt kind of weird. I just left her alone. Rejection is part of the game. I will try on the new one that comes my way. And yes, I am not that great in approaching women. It’s still one of my sticking points. I am trying to overcome that, damn it.
Anyway, I’m very happy that I did approach a woman. I was getting a bit complacent with the fact that I am being regularly approached by women and that I get to know girls through my social circle more often. Yes, attracting someone towards me is not that hard anymore. But I need to do the cold approaches nonetheless. I want to be PERFECT and also meet some new cool people on the way.
I just figured two ideas while I was on the bus to a shopping mall. Actually I was trying to figure out what might be great opener on a public vehicle.
Let’s say you are at back of the bus and she is at front end of the bus. What should you do? Should you go and say, ‘I think I know you’. Let’s just say you are being sincere. Now, when she says she is NOT the person you think she is, what option do you have left? You have to LEAVE! You cannot just transition to being direct like that. It’s called being congruent with your approach.
Let’s say you open her going direct on her. You confidently walk up to her and say, ‘Hi, you have a cool personality.’ with a sincere smile. She will like it if she is a normal person. If she responds negative, since you weren’t weird or over the top, you have the empathy of the people around. They know what you were doing and you were just being a confident man going for a woman. It’s a common phenomenon. If you create any peculiar scene, then they hold a freaky opinion about you, otherwise not. One thing to note here, a woman wants that a man come her way, in a calm, confident yet non-pressurizing manner. It’s called romance. When you go with a Hi, she might get shy and refuse. She thinks everybody around is watching her. She might get self-conscious.
Let’s say you open her being SOMEWHAT direct. You go up to her and say ‘I think I know you’ with a crafty smile on your face. She knows what you want and you are giving her the choice to decide whether she wants to roll with it or not. That’s a pretty non-aggressive kind of opener. You mask your interest being very socially graceful and acceptable. You make it easy for a shy girl to open up to you. You make it more fun for a naughty chick. In fact, it’s a mischievous and easy kind of opener, conveying you are up for play. The more direct it is, the more confident you are and the more pressurizing it is on the open.
So, in a high-pressure situation, you should go for a somewhat direct opener, that’s easy for the girl. In a low-pressure situation, you should go for an aggressive opener. It is actually how much the girl can take ultimately. When you show interest, you create the chemistry. But just make it comfortable for the girl. Don’t force her. Just invite her.
Personally speaking, I prefer a sincere smile, then a confident Hi (followed with a situational comment when the situation is a little high pressure) whenever I approach a woman. But I make it really non-pressuring and light for the woman.
Let’s say, when I approach a woman on the bus, I would say ‘Hi, the bus is real slow…anyway, I am Ron’. That would diffuse the attention of the public around and I approached her with genuine interest she wants. I am being somewhat direct, making her feel comfortable.
That’s your food for thought for today. Again next time…
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